Struggling in silence

To struggle with something in your life can be painful, but to struggle by yourself and in silence can be one of the most lonely experiences for any human being.  I have been there myself.

You might have friends around you and even a loving partner, but often we cannot share the whole thing the whole of the time with these people.  Ultimately it is you who is going through the pain and you that is having to deal with it from minute to minute, no matter who you have or haven't got in your life.

Going through such a struggle can drain you of energy and enthusiasm as you work hard to hide it and keep everyone around you from suspecting anything.  We can spend years doing this before realising that this strategy hasn't actually helped or benefited anyone, least of all ourselves.  

We probably worry about other peoples' opinions about us if they knew the truth or what they would say.  The reality is, in the words of someone with great wisdom, 'Those who matter don't mind and those who mind don't matter.'  Putting this into perspective, you are just as important as the person next to you and your feelings deserve just as much respect.

Feelings can be very difficult things to cope with.  If our car is broken we get it fixed asap.  We do the same with most things, but not when it comes to our feelings.  If something isn't working we tend to battle on and hope it gets better.  Most of us will try to battle on in silence.

It can take months and quite often years of doing this before we decide that the time has come where we need to do something about it.  It has held us back long enough.  We have tried everything by ourselves but with no lasting success.  What now?

Well, some people will turn to God and others will turn to a counsellor.  Both are good places to be.  With God we have someone who will keep everything completely confidential, does not judge and has our best interests at heart.  So too with a counsellor.  Either way, talking to God or a counsellor finally allows you to share your burden.  You no longer have to walk alone.  

Talking, sharing, understanding and learning leads to healing and growth.  It is sad that so many years are lost to struggling in silence when, with a little time and focus, things could be dealt with by talking about it and life could be continued with better management of all the obstacles.  There will still be objects in our way, but we won't have to spend countless, lonely hours negotiating them alone.   

Speak out today and end your silent struggle. 

Counselling: Why we all need it!

Our daily lives are influenced by so many stresses and distractions:  Things we need to do, things we need to buy, places we need to go and people we have to see.  Even if we do nothing else other than get up each day, there is still a lot to cope with in life.   

On the surface most of us appear to have it all under control, but just take a look at the number of empty wine and beer bottles in recycling boxes outside houses; the constant desire people have for new things like cars and clothes and mobiles.  Look at the way people soak up the lives of celebrities and the way they spend their whole evening scouring the internet for information. 

People everywhere seem to be searching.  Searching online; searching in the shops; searching in magazines and on the TV.  But what is it that we are all so desperately looking for?  What is it that is so important that leads us to sacrificing time with the people closest to us so that we can focus our energy on all of these other things?

Humans are always striving for improvement and growth.  Our daily lives have been transformed by new and better ways of doing things.    We upgrade our old and used items for new and improved ones.   When something breaks we get it fixed or we throw it away and get a new one.  It’s simple.

But what happens when we develop a fault?  What happens when something isn’t working in us?  If it’s a physical problem then we’ll probably go to see a doctor.  But if it’s an emotional problem or problem in our heads then what do we do?  It can be a scary thing to deal with, so most of us will push it away.   We haven’t got time to look at it anyway, so if we don’t think about it then hopefully it will disappear.

Ignorance is a great thing…for so long.  If the car doesn’t sound right when you start it up in the morning then you will probably wait to see if it improves.  If it doesn’t then you will seek to get it fixed.  Most of us, unfortunately, are not that quick to respond when our emotions don’t feel right.  We do not jump up and say ‘I need to get this fixed.’  More likely we think ‘I’ll try not to think too much about that.  I’m sure it’ll get better.’

So why are we so reluctant to lift up the bonnet on ourselves and get things repaired?  Well there are a few reasons: ‘I don’t feel comfortable with it’, ‘I don’t know half of what’s in there’, ‘Do I really want to know?’, ‘It’ll probably hurt anyway.’  These are many of the things that deter us from taking a look at our lives, but if we never do this then how can we ever hope to improve it?  What would we think, for instance, of the mechanic who refused to take a look at the engine?

I have found that most of us go through our lives needing to talk about things, but most of the time, choose not to.  Sometimes this works and we are able to lead a normal functioning life.  But every so often it creeps up and grows in front of our very eyes until it overshadows us and puts up a brick wall so big that we have nowhere to hide and nowhere to run.  That’s when we have no choice but to look at it.  That is a scary place to be and usually a lonely one.

‘Counselling’ is a word that many people don’t like using in relation to themselves; much like the words ‘Help’ and ‘I’m struggling right now.’  We live in an age where there is no time for weakness and no time for personal difficulty.  Society asks you to deal with it yourself or get on with it alone because it has not got the time to stop or listen.  Progress is only achievable it seems, by pushing harder, working longer and moving faster.  That’s great…But what about me?  Who will be there when I really need them?  Who can I turn to when everything is weighing me down and I can’t meet the demands of this society?  What happens when I just need to be me?

Talking to a Counsellor can be the first step in answering these questions and to enable you to look at the things that are holding you back.  People have needed to talk about themselves since the beginning of time, but our culture now limits this talk to the not-too-personal.  With a Personal Counsellor you are given the time to explore the most pressing things in your life and to receive the guidance you need to help make sense of them all. 

Sometimes, just putting words to the stuff that is going on in our heads can be all that is needed to start to take control of it.  It can take time and courage to do this, but with the right help, it can prove to be a decision that will enable you to stop searching and start living.  

10 minute blog

I'm a Counsellor.  I've never written a blog before, but have given myself 10 minutes to write this one.  I am prone to over-thinking and over-editing, so a time limit will help avoid this.  Still I have no idea what to say, which is strange since I am also a writer.

For me, if writing is to be good, it has to be heartfelt.  It has to come from the depths of your soul and charged with your personality, rather than being thought up in the head.

This is one reason why this first piece is so disjointed and difficult for me to write.  As a Counsellor, what do I write about?  In fact, my hand is hurting from writing because I have no burning desire to share anything.

Such then is the quality of one's purpose in life.  Without passion, without complete desire, it can be drudgery...one foot in front of the other.  Trouble and pain.  But when one has got something they want to share to the point where it is burning a hole because it carries with it so much energy...that is when you are carried forward on a breeze, effortlessly, as your passion is transformed into natural flight.